Jax is Gone

The day I have been dreading the most arrived today. I’ve been wrestling with being uncertain if it was time for Jax to go. He’s been giving me some signs but then he’d kind of perk up and I’d get hopeful and wait. Last night he was restless all night and I think we got about an hour or two of sleep (in broken up segments). He just seemed like he couldn’t be comfortable. During one of those times we were actually able to sleep I had a dream. I dreamed that I talked to the vet and asked him what he thought and he told me it was time. That really helped me. We went to the vet and discussed and decided it was time. I held Jax while he died. Today was the saddest day of my life. I feel like I can’t even breathe. How can I even still be alive when I feel this much pain? I like to think Jax sent me this ladybug I saw when I got home. Maybe he was saying a quick hello and letting me know he’s ok and waiting at the rainbow bridge.

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